Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 1 Recap


I can’t explain how happy I am to have the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills back in our lives! In my opinion they’re the crown jewel of the franchise and it was my gateway show, so I’ll always have a certain love for it. With Beverly Hills, sometimes even if the drama is lacking, the glitz and glam and overall gravitas of LA more than compensates for it.

We start off with miss Erika Jayne herself, revving up for her day and chatting with who else but Mikey about some new projects! We’re introduced to quite a new confessional look followed by her racing away in her stealthy Lamborghini and ALREADY I feel it: we’re back bitches! I needed a quick injection of Erika Jayne in my life. She heads to her new downtown “pretty mess clubhouse” which is Erika Jayne’d to the absolute max. We check in with Lisa Rinna and those two nobodies daughters and one’s whining about doing something for the other and ugh, I loathe them. They then all head upstairs for a family IV vitamin sesh and that’s where they really lost me. I don’t want those two little bitches on my screen and that’s that.

Next we head to lunch with Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump (who from here on out will be abbreviated as LVP), and Kyle updates us on her show, American Woman, and everything else Kyle Richards. Life’s great, WE KNOW KYLE. I’m side eyeing mainly because I’m jealous and I deserve to be because that trick has it all (which she reminded us of again in her ever repetitive tagline).

Kyle and LVP discuss an upcoming trip to Vegas for three of the ladies birthdays and when Erika’s brought up, LVP moans that Erika never returns her texts, which, of course she doesn’t.

Much to my dismay we then check in with one Dorit Kemsley, heading to music class with little Jagger and this is our introduction to new housewife, Teddi. Not the smoothest introduction for a housewife but we’ve seen worse. Let me just preface my comments about Teddi with this: I said even before the season started that I didn’t think I was going to like her and per usual, I was right. She’s one of those girls who just annoys the fuck out of you for really no apparent reason at all. She’s kind of a Tamra meets Eden meets Kelly Bensimon, all of which I hate and two of which are no longer with us so that should speak pretty loudly to the route Teddi’s headed in. If you guys aren’t getting what I’m putting down, Teddi’s a one season wonder.

Then we’re back over at Erika’s clubhouse where Kyle comes to scope things out. I was loving their friendship at the end of last season and I’m loving where its starting this season. Kyles enamoration with Erika is just feel good to watch for some reason. Kyle invites Erika to Vegas and that’s all that really happens there. This is the first episode after all and it’s always more of an introduction to the setting, characters and their relationships rather than gunning right in to the drama.

Next we go to lunch again, this time with LVP, Dorit and Teddi. Teddi’s introduction with LVP is a bit strange as she seems sort of standoffish with her when LVP asks her about herself. Again, Teddi tells us more about herself and I dislike her even more. I don’t want someone from South Carolina to be on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I’m sorry to anyone from there who is offended but I will not apologize for my preferences in housewives backgrounds. She’s too rough around the edges, and not in the fun and messy way that Brandi was. Side note: I miss Brandi Glanville more than anything and her timeout is more than due to be over by next season. Anyways, the girls discuss Vegas and of course Teddi is invited.

We then see all the girls packing for Vegas, first with Teddi and her kids, who do seem cute and I’ll give her that. Then we see Erika with Mikey planning what is sure to be a fashion extravaganza for a quick run through the sluttiest city in America.

At last, we head to the airport to hop on the private jet in which Kyle has so kindly provided for all of the ladies. The big moment in this scene is Erika walking in to the airport to a mildly distressed Dorit, who’s a bit hesitant in seeing her after all that they had gone through with Pantygate last season. They hug and act polite, as most housewives do when they see other women that they have a real disliking for. All the girls are there except for Rinna, who will be meeting them in Vegas later. And included in that group of girls is one Camille Grammer!! Camille’s back and although she’s only a “friend of”, I’ll take any Camille I can get. Aboard the flight to Vegas, LVP manages to do the unfathomable; she spills champagne in Kyle’s brand new BIRKIN!!! I’m horrified but Kyle somehow brushes it off rather quickly and I have to say I’m impressed because I would have smacked LVP’s accent right out of her mouth.

As the girls settle into their rooms, Kyle tells LVP and Camille a story about how she ran in to Harry Hamlin on a hike and that he said to her “What are we going to do about your sister, she can’t ever be around this group again”. Now to that I say, who the FUCK do you think you are Harry Hamlin. You don’t mess with my hair and you sure as hell don’t mess with my Kim Richards! The only good that comes out of this is that we get a splendid flashback of Kim returning the infamous bunny!

Everyone gets together later in the night where they are finally joined by the villainous Lisa Rinna! That closes out the episode before we get a sneak peek into the rest of the season, where the biggest takeaway was Camille’s throwback dance moves in the club! Excited to see how the rest of the Vegas trip pans out!

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