Vanderpump Rules Recap: Episode 4


Feels good to be back! After a week off for the holiday break, we’re back with a new episode of Vanderpump Rules this week and I have to say it was a much needed escape. It’s stressful getting back to normal life after the holidays and there’s nothing like watching a bunch of grown children make a mockery of their own lives to feel better about my own.

We start off, thankfully, at Jax and Brittany’s apartment. Scheana, Katie, Stassi and Brittany all wake up after their shitshow of a party they had in honor of taking Jax down. They get taco bell delivered and it almost made me forgive everything I’ve ever hated about any of them because that’s simply genius. They get on to the conversation of Lala, and Katie starts in about the married man before Scheana rightfully lets her know she’s wrong.

Next we’re at Lisa’s house where the Tom’s arrive to discuss things for the restaurant. Lisa lets the boys know that she’s apprehensive in moving forward because of their negativity. Lisa lets them know that if they want in they both have to contribute $120 grand EACH. They settle on $50 grand each, which is a 5 % stake and all things seem good to go.

Back at the apartment, Jax walks in to all of the girls devouring their Taco Bell. Obviously he’s annoyed because I’d be pissed if I walked into my own apartment to people eating Taco Bell without me. Jax dismisses Brittanys emotions which sets Brittany the fuck off, and she then proceeds to chase him while hitting him. Brittany then continues to lose her damn mind on him, which again, is completely warranted.

Later at Katie and Tom’s, Stassi is there discussing her event planning (insert eyeroll here), when the Tom’s walk in and tell them the good news. Katie delusionally gloats about Tom and ugh I just hate her. For almost no apparent reason yet also for a million.

We head over the Scheana’s where she’s filling Ariana in on what happened with Brittany and Jax, where queen Lala walks in to fill them in on the private jet plans. She tells them about getting her job back at Sur, and Scheana responds by telling them they can carpool to work. Scheana then spills the tea on what Katie said about her married boyfriend, to which Lala masterfully mocks Katie and shoots her right down. I’ve missed Lala so much!! Lala then let’s it all out and shouts out the Tom cheated on Katie..since they’ve been married! Apparently when Katie was in New York, Tom was with Lala’s friend Allie and they made out and was “touchy feely”. Lala doesn’t fuck around, you guys!

Unfortunately we then have to see Lisa and Stassi “event planning” again, which is a storyline I’m officially sick of. Lisa even trusts Stassi with her credit card to go run some errands which speaks volumes to the state of their relationship now.

Then we’re with Jax and Tom Schwartz at some random but cute little lunch spot, and Jax vents to Tom about the Brittany situation. Jax explains that Brittany has cooled down a bit but that he’s still standing his ground and now moving out of their apartment. Schwartz then suggests that maybe they have an open relationship which sounds like the worst idea I’ve ever heard for a douche like Jax.

We cut back to Stassi running Lisa’s errands and we see her actually doing tedious little asks such as picking out flowers, getting invitations and picking up a cake. Stassi heads back to Sur to set up and honestly she does a pretty good job. She even employs Brittany to pass around some trays for the party. Delegation at it’s could say I’m now cautiously optimistic about Stassi’s new career path. Later everyone else, including Lisa, shows up at the party and much to Lisa’s surprise she’s very happily surprised to see that Stassi did in fact pull it all off smoothly. Kristen then injects herself in a convo with the girls to try to talk about Jax and Brittany politely tells her, not today bitch.

We then shockingly cut to Jax and James out to dinner as they’re the self titles degenerates of the night, meaning their not invited to the Sur party. I actually really like these two getting along and am anxious at the damage they can and inevitably will cause together. Back at Sur, Ariana grabs Tom to fill him in on what Lala told her earlier about the cheating scandal. Tom is shitfaced while talking about the fact that he was shitfaced and doesn’t remember. As Ariana stated, we’ve heard this before. Back with Jax and James, James lets it slip that they’ve been taking shots of Absinthe. ABSINTHE. Sounds like a great idea for someone who has so clearly been struggling with alcoholism, but I’m here for it because I’m selfish and want to see them both in this condition. Jax tells James how him and Brittany have been hate fucking their little brains out, and they both just giggle the night away.

Back at Sur, Tom walks inside and immediately tells Katie (in front of Kristen and Ariana) about what Ariana told him. Katie takes the news with trepidation at first, but when she learns the news came from arch nemesis Lala, Katie starts to lose her shit. This leads us into our first Sur parking lot fight (oh how I’ve missed thee), and Katie and Tom cryingly bicker with each other before Katie just storms off and tells him to get his shit together.

Katie goes back inside and whines to the girls about how drunk and not remembering isn’t an excuse, which it isn’t, and yet I don’t have any sympathy for Katie. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s done this before or if it’s because I hate Katie. Tom goes inside and ends up talking to Lisa about it and she is of course not happy with about the news. Tom continues to excuse himself with the “I was so drunk I don’t remember” line and I don’t buy it and neither does Lisa. Get it together Tom, you’re getting pretty damn sloppy these days. We end the episode with Katie literally crying to Lisa about how much she loves him, but doesn’t know what she did to deserve this.

That wraps up the episode but the preview of next week continues to the Katie and Tom saga, and we get a sneak peak at Lala sharing what she alleges to be audio of Jax cheating with Faith. Can’t wait!

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