Vanderpump Rules Episode 2 Recap


New week, same riveting scandal to let’s get in to it! This weeks episode starts where we left off last week, in the immediate aftermath of Faith spilling the tea about her and Jax, all while still at Scheanas masquerade bash. Everyone’s arguing, Kristen is once again poking her nose in for a storyline where it doesn’t belong. We do, however, get a flashback to the glory days of Kristen admitting she had slept with Jax and I just want Bravo and everyone else to know that I’ll always appreciate that. We also have Scheana whining like the petulant child even she knows she is, James flailing around the like the animal he is and Lisa Vanderpump getting involved because bitch kind of has to in order to comply with her position on the show.

We then head over to Lisa’s house sometime soon after in the light of day, to see her being gifted with a new black Rolls Royce and to that I say; do we really need to see Lisa getting another new car? We sure don’t. Stassi comes over to Lisa’s (they’re inexplicably on good terms) to converse with her about planning Lisa’s next event. Stassi likens it to styling clothes and so she thinks she’ll be a good fit for the job. I have no qualms about her styling expertise, however, I do have a problem with Bravo giving these kids odd jobs working for Lisa for the sake of making it look like they still work normal jobs. We know they’re reality stars, they know they’re reality stars.. let’s just please let their prospective careers flounder and focus full time on watching them act like the LA version of Jersey shore’s trash.

Next we’re over at Katie and Toms apartment where Brittany arrives to vent about the nightmare for a man she’d like to make her husband someday. Jax interrupts, albeit briefly, (because let’s not forget that those two couples live in the same building) before Brittany quicky erupts and throws her phone at him. And that’s pretty much that.

Over at Pump, James and the latest aspiring aspiring celebrity Vanderpump minion, Raquel, come to talk to Lisa about her working for Vanderpump dogs. Lisa responds by asking her what she does for a living to which we then get the al too often cringeworthy answer of “well I’m a model”. And there we have confirmation of exactly what Raquel is doing with James on this show. However, Lisa plays the game and tells Raquel that while she won’t be able to hire her at Vanderpump Dogs, she’d like her to come volunteer. Lisa also hires James back at Pump and Sur for the umteenth time and all I can say is, how pathetic on both parties ends.

Then we head to alleged woman beater and Ariana’s brother Jeremy’s birthday party at some random outdoor jaunt in downtown LA. In attendance are of course Ariana and Tom, Scheana, Tom Schwartz, and James accompanied by cockroaches Raquel and Logan. Schwartz is as they call it on RHOC, NAKED WASTED. The scene is juxtaposed with Brittany and Jax back at their apartment where Jax walks in and after being interrogated and verbally abused by Brittany, admits to cheating with Faith. First off, of course he did. Secondly, is this really Vanderpump Rules if Jax admits to cheating so quickly? I mean, is this really happening on this show? Where’s the fun in Jax cheating if he admits to is so soon? Hmmm. Anyways, Brittany packs up and gets ready to head to Vegas to have post cheating slutty galavants in Vegas with her friend. Back at Jeremy’s party, everyone’s chatting about the Jax/Faith fiasco, Schwartz calls Jax to fill him on everyone chatting and then we get to an interesting exchange between the two Toms. Ones drunk. Both are crying. Ones makeup is dripping as he’s crying (I’ll let you guess which one) and it’s a certified mess.

Next we head down to Long Beach Pride with Lisa for no reason other than to see Lisa showing up to Long Beach Pride. Tom, Tom and Ariana show up and chat with Lisa and Ken about Jax admitting to the cheating, and then we see Tom Sandoval get whipped in the ass with leather and well, I’ve seen worse but I also could have done without it.

Later we see Stassi and Kristen getting ready for her date with Patrick which is where us viewers meet Patrick for the first time. I’ve social media stalked both of them before so I knew what I was in for but it was a bit jarring seeing them interact with one another in that they have a dynamic that I don’t think I expected, although it’s also something I’d never thought about. They head on their date and Stassi shows herself as the needy person we know and love her to be, and even though Patrick seems accepting of that behavior now, it’s hard not to imagine what he’s really thinking as we know he later dumps her in a disastrous way. Also wanted to point out that Patricks aesthetic seems to be Pennsylvania Dutch inspired and that both intrigues and confuses me.

Finally, back at Sur both Brittany and Jax are “working” and tensions are uhh, fraught, to say the least. Each confide their respective friends and that’s where Brittany lets it slip that she succumbed to a moment of weakness and slept with Jax THAT day. Ooffff, Brittany. And that concludes the end of the second episode. Next week we get the return of one Lala Kent and I’ll have a recap on all that goes down then!

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