Vanderpump Rules Episode 3 Recap


Here we go again! This episode wasn’t as explosive as the previous two but to that I say, you can’t win em’ all! It was still a fine episode nonetheless and delivered enough enthusiasm to sustain my interest and attention for most of the time which is a tough feat, let me tell you..

We start off with Stassi and Brittany at a spa on what would be Jax and Brittany’s two year anniversary. Since Jax is a manic imbecile, she decides to take Stassi in his place. Brittany explains that she’s emotionally all over the place while Stassi tries to convince her not to take Jax back. Brittany admits to Stassi that her and Jax slept together the night before and it’s just a damned mess.

We then check in with Jax while he grabs a beer with Sandoval and new minion James Kennedy where he reveals that they’ve been hate fucking themselves silly for the last few days. Tom then takes that time to admit that him and Ariana haven’t had sex in months.

Over at Pump, Schwartz delivers a bouquet of flowers to Lisa and Ken on behalf of Sandoval and himself. He explains that he didn’t like the way they ended things last week, and Lisa quips back with the fact that she can’t believe Tom insinuated she was spying on them. Lisa seems to be mostly over it and we move on.

Then we head over to Sur where Stassi (who again I’d like to point out is apparently in exceptional standing with Lisa) goes over the details of the event that she’s helping Lisa plan. Side note: Stassi looks gorgeous and I appreciate her aesthetic efforts this season. It’s also nice to see Stassi and Lisa getting along even if it is just for the sake of giving her titular job to cement her position on the show.

Next we head over to Katie and Tom’s heinously decorated apartment where we’re joined by Tom Sandoval who has definitely has some fillers recently. Not mad about it though, just an observation. They discuss TomTom and plan to move forward with positivity and have an actual impact on the joint. Katies proud, by the way (insert eyeroll here).

Next we’re at the stables with Ariana who gets a visit from Brittany. Ariana explains that her and Tom are going through a weird point in their relationship right now and that the horses provide her with much needed therapeutic value. So it makes sense why she wants Brittany to experience this setting with her since we all know Brittanys also in a weird point in her relationship right now. To say the very least. Ariana then quite literally bites the dust after her horse gets sick of her in a way I can relate too. Ariana quickly recovers and “gets back on the horse” and all is well and I never want to see a scene like that again.

Back with Lisa, we peak in at Vanderpump Dogs to see Raquel’s first foray into the world of… dogs. Lisa likens her “bambi on steroids” which is extremely accurate and I appreciated it. While Raquel’s frolicking around with dog shit in her hands, Lisa and James delve back into the conversation of him returning to his high brow position as the Sur and Pump DJ. James explains he doesn’t drink shots anymore and so everything will be just fine, which is we all know it won’t be, and I’m looking forward to the potential mayhem that will most certainly ensue. Nothing better than a manic episode of James Kennedy in the middle of a Lisa Vanderpump owned establishment.

Then we’re back at the stables where Sandoval and Ariana’s brother now arrive. They awkwardly talk about what Tom told us earlier in the episode which is that they’re sex life is as dry as the burning brush in SoCal right now. Ariana does her thing on the horse again, while Tom pathetically gloats and suddenly their relationship seems back to normal, at least in my eyes.

Then we finally get to Brittany and Jax’s apartment which is what I, and I’m assuming all the viewers, really wanted to see. However, it wasn’t quite the drag out fight and belittling arguing match I was hoping for. Brittany is seemingly over everything which, wow, what a turnaround. Brittany is just hesitant about how the rest of the group is going to take it that she’s moved on and Jax of course shoots down any concern she might have.

Next we head to Stassi’s apartment where Katie arrives to Stassi and Kristen cooking their little hearts away. That’s boring, however Kristen blurted out that she “doesn’t give good head” and at first I befuddled but then I realized that it probably is the case because Kristen doesn’t put effort in to much of anything. We flip back and forth in between the boys at a bar taking shots, and when we’re back at Stassi’s, Brittany arrives with Scheana in tow much to Stassi’s and my own dismay. Tom Schwartz then very accurately lays out the plan for which the girls have to take Jax down and I gotta say, those bitches make a pretty solid SEAL team.

Back at the bar with the boys, James explains to the guys how he’s getting his job back and ugh, I just don’t care. Then once again, we’re back with the girls, where they’re taking part in some Charmed like séance where they plan to.. I guess put a spell on him? I’m not quite sure, but Katie makes a comment about how they’re like the Sanderson sisters from Hocus Pocus, only prettier. Katie, sweetie, take several seats. You wish you looked as good as a Sanderson sister.

And then it happens.. The return of LALA KENT!! She sits down with Lisa and convinces her that she does in fact need her job back at Sur despite her boyfriends allowances. Obviously we know this is a thinly veiled disguise of her asking for her spot back on the show. And since the producers, viewers and everyone at Bravo want’s Lala back on the show, Lisa allows Lala to come back as a hostess. Gonna say that again..come back as a hostess. As if Lala Kent will ever be hosting anything but a party for herself at any restaurant ever again.

Back with the boy’s, Tom Sandoval would like to show Jax that he did wrong but gifting him with a locking cock ring, which I didn’t know was a thing. But then back with the girls, they let it slip to Brittany that the Faith incident wasn’t just an incident, thus driving this story further much to my liking. Brittany calls Jax and he swears it only happened once, and Brittany then pulls a fast one by saying Faith is with her and that she has proof. Brittany then admits she’s lying and Jax says exactly what the girls said he would say which is “what does it matter if it was one time or three times or whatever”. Brittany smells the bullshit and calls him on it and Jax then literally SCREAMS at Brittany at the top of his lungs. The girls are baffled to say the least and so Ariana calls Tom’s phone and tells him to tell Jax that he can’t stay at his apartment that night and all the girls will be standing firm behind her. And that wraps up the episode.

We then get a sneak peek of next week’s episode where we see Lala spilling tea about Schwartz possibly cheating on Katie and now I can’t wait for next week!

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